Kuninkaan Paluu "Lyhennetty versio"

Huumoria ja parodiaa yllin kyllin.

Valvojat: Andune, Ilona

joplin
Örkki
Viestit: 165
Liittynyt: Ti Maalis 09, 2004 4:00 pm
Viesti:

Kuninkaan Paluu "Lyhennetty versio"

Viesti Kirjoittaja joplin » Ke Elo 11, 2004 1:47 pm

Tämän olen löytänyt netistä noin tuhat vuotta sitten. Vaikka se on englanniksi uskon, että täällä on paljon kielitaitioisia ihmisiä. Jos en ole lukenut jotakin pientä pränttiä ja täällä ei saa olla englanniksi tekstejä, niin poistakaa ihmeessä!
Kiitos Molly Winter ja Grace Swickard, keitä ikinä olettekaan :D

THE RETURN OF THE KING, CONDENSED
By Molly Winter and Grace Swickard

A RIVER, CENTURIES AGO

SMEAGOL and DEAGOL find the Ring and start fighting over it.
DEAGOL: Mine!
SMEAGOL: Mine!
DEAGOL: Mine!
SMEAGOL: Mine!
DEAGOL: Yours. (dies)

UNOFFICIAL ENTRANCE TO MORDOR

SAM: We can't trust Gollum! He's out to kill us!
FRODO: Really, Sam, you and your imagination. I suppose YOU have a better plan for getting into Mordor?
SAM: As a matter of fact I do. Hang-gliding.
FRODO: Excuse me?
SAM: Hang-gliding. It's all the rage in the Southfarthing. We make a big kite-like frame out of a lightweight wood, like balsa, if you follow me, and stretch some muslin across it; then we climb to the top of one of these mountains, wait for a warm updraft -
FRODO: I am NOT listening to this.
FRODO grabs GOLLUM's hand and walks away.

EDORAS

LEGOLAS: The sky wears a film of gauze. The night air breathes infamy. Deceit weaves itself around my fingernails.
ARAGORN: What in the world is that? Poetry? I pay you to do two things: shoot stuff, and look pretty. If you have something to tell me, tell me in normal words.
LEGOLAS: Fine. S-A-U-R-O-N is H-E-R-E. Simple enough for you, numbskull?


(MEANWHILE, INSIDE IN EDORAS)

PIPPIN: I'm going to go look at that crystal bowling-ball thingy.
MERRY: Bad idea, Pip.
PIPPIN: No, I think it's a good idea.
MERRY: Really seriously bad idea.
PIPPIN: No, it'll be fine. See? I just pick it up and AAAAHHHHH!!

ENTIRE CITY wakes up.
GANDALF: Fool of a Took! Now I must take you on a horseback ride.
PIPPIN: Okay! Can Merry come?
GANDALF: No.
MERRY: See what you did? Ugh. Why do I always hang out with the stupid ones?

ROHIRRIM CAMP

EOWYN: Here, little fellow. Put this armor on.
MERRY: Thanks very much, my lady. Let me try swinging my sword around. Whee!
EOWYN: Yikes!
EOMER: Wow, sis, we are getting very desperate if we are using midgets for warriors.
EOWYN: Look at this hobbit: can you honestly tell me he isn't brave and handsome, and doesn't inspire your courage?
EOMER: (snicker) Uh, sure. Sure, he's great. Yeah.

MINAS TIRITH

GANDALF: Don't say anything, Pippin. Hi, Denethor!
DENETHOR: Hi. My favorite son is dead and my life sucks.
PIPPIN: That's all my fault! I'll fight for you!
GANDALF: Agh. WHAT did I say, Pippin? What did I say?

ROHIRRIM CAMP

ELROND: So, we brought you this sword.
PEOPLE WHO HAVE READ THE BOOK: About freaking time.
ARAGORN: Shiny. Thanks.
ELROND: Oh, and by the way, Arwen's sick. The longer the Ring goes undestroyed, the weaker she gets.
ARAGORN: What? How can there be a connection between her and the Ring?
ELROND: Yeah, well, I guess they don't teach you everything in Ranger school. It's just TRUE, okay? Now go pick up a ghost army and save your grimy unshaven people.

ROHIRRIM CAMP, LATER

EOWYN: I love you.
ARAGORN: Me? What? Oh. Um..listen, Ellen...
EOWYN: Eowyn.
ARAGORN: Right, Eowyn. You're a fine-looking woman, and I'm sure somebody will say to you someday, "Erin -"
EOWYN: *Eowyn*.
ARAGORN: "Eowyn...you're the only woman for me. Be my wife."
EOWYN: But it won't be you.
ARAGORN: Exactly! It won't be me. I'm glad we understand each other. Well kiddo, I've got to go. The Paths of the Dead beckon.
EOWYN: Don't do it! You'll never survive!
ARAGORN: Nonsense. You're only saying that because no one ever has.

MINAS TIRITH


PIPPIN: Any chance I can get out of fighting, Gandalf?
GANDALF: Probably not.
PIPPIN: Are Frodo and Sam going to make it?
GANDALF: Don't think so.
PIPPIN: Isn't there anything you can say to cheer me up?
GANDALF: Maybe you'll get decapitated. That should be quick and painless.
PIPPIN: Oh. Uh, thanks.
(Later)
GANDALF: OK, Pip, I need to go light a fire for me.
PIPPIN: Um, ok. Is it hard?
GANDALF: Nah, not as long as you know how to rock-climb.
PIPPIN: (as he climbs the mountain) I am not afraid of heights, I’m not afraid of heights, I’m not afraid of heights, dear God, I am so afraid of heights! I’m three-foot-eight for crying out loud! (He survives, gets to the top and lights the fire.He is very proud of himself, til he figures out that getting off the oil-soaked burning wood might just be a good idea.)

PATHS OF THE DEAD

GHOST: Hello! Welcome to the Paths of the Dead. We ask that you keep your hands and arms to yourselves at all times, as the ceiling is low in places, and fighting back will only prolong your ghastly death. Unless of course you are the heir of Isildur, in which case you and your party get a free pass.
ARAGORN: Hey, that's convenient. I AM the heir of Isildur!
GHOST: Got any ID?
ARAGORN: Sure, hang on a sec.
ARAGORN starts digging through his knapsack for his Ranger license.
AUDIENCE: I'm just not the least bit worried for them.
GHOST: (examines license) Okay, you're legit. Ooh, hang on: I'm sorry, but you must be at least as tall as this sign to enter. This kid with the beard can't come.
GIMLI: I'm a dwarf, not a child, you transparent twit.
ARAGORN: Really, he has to come along. He catches all the knee-level dangers for us.
LEGOLAS: Indeed, if we leave him behind, I do not know who I will taunt for the rest of the journey.
GHOST: Fine, fine. Let's go.

MINAS TIRITH


FARAMIR: Anything I can do for you, Dad?
DENETHOR: Yeah. Go die.
FARAMIR: Nice. Real nice.
FARAMIR storms out.
DENETHOR: Sing me a song, short man.
PIPPIN: I really don't feel like it.
DENETHOR: Aw, come on! Sing! Here's the karaoke song book - pick something.
PIPPIN: Well, if you insist... (clears throat) "You never close your eyes anymore when I kiss your lips...and there's no tenderness like before in your fingertips..."

OUTSIDE MINAS TIRITH

FARAMIR leads the charge against the latest forces of Mordor.
FARAMIR: Who's your daddy?? HUH?? Who's your- ow.
FARAMIR, with arrows sticking through him, falls off horse.
PIPPIN (V.O.): "You're trying hard not to show it..."
GANDALF and DENETHOR (V.O.): "Bay-beh..."
PIPPIN (V.O.): "But bay-beh, baby I know it!..."

MINAS TIRITH

PIPPIN breaks down crying.
PIPPIN: I'm sorry. That song always gets to me. I miss Merry...
DENETHOR: What's that noise outside? Is that the sound of my good-for-nothing son getting dragged into the city by horses?
GANDALF: Yes, it appears to be. As I mentioned, Mordor is a serious threat and now most of your soldiers are dead.
DENETHOR: Aaahh! Run, everybody, run! The world is ending! Aliens have landed!
GANDALF: Oh, shut up, you paranoid delusional steward.
GANDALF clonks DENETHOR and takes over
AUDIENCE: Yes! He needed that!

VICINITY OF CIRITH UNGOL

GOLLUM: Dead hobbitses...(mutter mutter)...won't be long now...(mutter mutter)...will try wearing Ring on toe this time; yes, precious; very beautiful...
SAM: Hey! I heard that!
FRODO: Heard what?
GOLLUM: Nothing, Master! Fat hobbit wants Ring; yes, Master.
SAM: I do not!
FRODO: I think maybe you do. Gollum wouldn't lie to me, after all. SAM: He's trying to kill us! We're walking straight into a trap. I'm not going one step further.
FRODO: Leave, then. I'm sick of your paranoid delusions anyhow.
SAM: But I...
FRODO: Go on - get out of here. Good riddance.
SAM: But you...
FRODO: Have a nice death.
FRODO stomps off SAM stays behind, weeping piteously.
PEOPLE WHO HAVE READ THE BOOK: WHAT in the WORLD is Frodo DOING???

CREEPY CAVE

FRODO gets tangled in a gigantic spider-web.
FRODO: Egads! Does this mean a gigantic spider lives here?
GOLLUM: Ha ha! Sméagol tricked you, ssstupid hobbit! Did Master know "gullible" was not in dictionary?
FRODO: Oh, dear. Maybe it wasn't such a good idea to send Sam away.
AUDIENCE: Duh!
SHELOB appears and starts pounding down the tunnel.
FRODO lights up the star-glass and gives us an all-too-clear look at her.
ARACHNOPHOBES IN AUDIENCE: Oh...dear...God.
FRODO cuts himself loose and runs like crazy - but, being FRODO, falls down.
GOLLUM jumps on him.
GOLLUM: Jussst kidding about "ssstupid" comment! Nice master! Hold still so spider can eat you, yes yes.
FRODO: I have a different plan, actually.
FRODO flings GOLLUM down an abyss.
PEOPLE WHO HAVE THE BOOK: You know, it's interesting: even though I've read the book, I have no idea what's going on.

MINAS TIRITH

DENETHOR: So here's my plan: a barbecue. Featuring smoked and roasted stewards of Gondor. Obey me or die, people!
PIPPIN: Ohhh-kay, crazy man alert.
PIPPIN runs off to get help.
DENETHOR gets busy pouring flammable stuff all over himself and FARAMIR.

VICINITY OF CIRITH UNGOL

SHELOB is hovering above FRODO, who is oblivious.
AUDIENCE: (apparently thinking they're at a horror film) Look up! LOOK UP!! OH MY GOSH, LOOK UP!!
FRODO gets stabbed.
AUDIENCE collectively gasps and
FRODO FANGIRLS burst into tears and/or faint.
FRODO attractively foams at the mouth.
SHELOB wraps him up in spider-silk.
ARACHNOPHOBES are whimpering somewhere under their theatre seats. SAM shows up and saves day, stabbing
SHELOB with borrowed sword.
SAM: Whew. All right, Mr. Frodo, I know I've teased you about running from spiders before, but I don't blame you for that one. Er, Mr. Frodo? (prod) Frodo?...
FRODO is not looking good.
SAM begins weeping and cradling him.
SENTIMENTAL BOOK-READERS: Say "Don't go where I can't follow." Say "Don't go where I can't follow." Say "Don't go where I can't follow."
SAM: Don't go where I can't follow!
SENTIMENTAL BOOK-READERS: Woohoo! All right; I can die happy now.
SAM: Uh-oh; Orcs. Got to cut this short. So long, sir. (skitters and hides)
ORCS start prodding FRODO.
ORC #73: How long has he been dead?
ORC #89: Dead? Any COMPLETE IDIOT could tell he's not dead!
SAM: What??
ORC #42: Then let's take him upstairs. We get to go through his pockets and look for loose change.
SAM: Are you saying that Frodo is ALIVE!!??
SAM flies into a murderous rage, killing about eighty Orcs in the space of half a minute while
FRODO FANGIRLS wake up and scream in relief.

OUTSIDE MINAS TIRITH

Black Ships sail up, with ARAGORN, LEGOLAS, GIMLI, and DEAD PEOPLE aboard, and save the day.
AUDIENCE: Oh, come on. Orlando Bloom as the token pretty-boy on a ship full of ghosts - yeah, we saw that over the summer. Next!
LEGOLAS practices his surfboarding he learned at Helms Deep on an Oliphant’s trunk, and LEGOLAS FANS freak out.
GIMLI (looks at the one gimungous Oilphaunt with 37 dead men and 20 squished orcs LEGOLAS has single-handedly killed): That still only counts as one!

TOWER OF CIRITH UNGOL


SAM, lost, stops in a stairwell and sings out:
SAM: "The stars at night...are clear and bright..."
FRODO'S VOICE: (weak) "...deep in the heart of Texas..."
SAM: Woohoo!
SAM charges that direction and kills an Orc mid-whip. FRODO is lying in a swoon on a heap of rags
SAM: Mr. Frodo! You're alive!
FRODO: Sam, look...if we ever get back to the Shire, remind me to enroll you in a First Aid course. We really must review how to find a pulse.

PELENNOR FIELDS

AUTHOR: Quite a lot of intense fighting takes place here Once again I shall try to sum up the highlights.
WITCH KING: (evil shriek) Shriek!
THEODEN: Aaaagh!
EOWYN: Roaaaar!
MERRY: Um...roar! Yes! What she said!
WITCH KING delivers smackdown.
MERRY and EOWYN: Ow!
MERRY and EOWYN deliver counter-smackdown.
WITCH KING: Ow
WITCH KING dies. EOWYN collapses. MERRY wanders off somewhere. PIPPIN finds him under an Orc.
PIPPIN: Merry! Long time no see!
MERRY: Hello, Pippin. (cough) Would you believe I...got mobbed by pretty Rohirrim girls?
PIPPIN: Er...no. No, Merry, I wouldn't. I'm sorry; I want to humor you when you're this hurt; but no, that's really quite beyond the realm of credibility.
MERRY: Then how do you explain this...(cough)...lipstick on my armor?
PIPPIN: (cry of disbelief) No fair! And all I got was an oily unconscious steward!

MORDOR


FRODO and SAM stumble into view wearing Orc gear
AUDIENCE bursts into giggles.
AUDIENCE: Somehow I don't think this is supposed to be funny, but it is.
FRODO: I'm forlorn. Desolate. Wretched.
SAM: Very eloquent, sir. Here I was just going to say, "This place sucks."
FRODO: I hate wearing shoes. Especially iron shoes. And this mask smells funny.
SAM: Well, that's to be expected.
FRODO swoons, draping himself over a boulder.
FRODO: Let me die. I cannot go on.
SAM: Sure you can. Think of the Shire.
FRODO: It never existed. You're lying.
SAM: Now, what were the rules we set?
FRODO: (humble) No more calling you a liar?
SAM: That's right. Now let's get you up.
(Five minutes later)
FRODO stumbles to his knees and starts beating his head against a rock.
FRODO: This is hopeless! We're doomed. We should have given the bloody thing to the Gondor brothers.
SAM inserts himself between FRODO and rock.
SAM: Sir. Remember our agreement.
FRODO: (humble) No wigging out?
SAM: That's right. Now will you stop wigging out if I move away from the rock?
FRODO: Yes.
(Five minutes later)
FRODO flings himself onto the ground and writhes in agony.
FRODO: I can't bear it. Life is horrid. My heart is shriveled and my soul is dead. The blackness of despair shrouds my eyes. I choke on pain and anguish.
SAM: That's it - no more listening to The Cure for you.
SAM picks FRODO up, slings him over his shoulder, and carries him up the mountain

MINAS TIRITH

GANDALF: Now I guess it's time to knock on death's door and invite them out to battle. Draw Sauron's eye to us instead of Frodo.
ARAGORN: All in the hopes of giving Sam and Frodo a chance.
LEGOLAS: A diversion.
ARAGORN: Yeah, thanks, Paraphrase Boy (or Captain Obvious).

MOUNT DOOM

GOLLUM: Wait! Lassst chance! You know you want to sssee how pretty Ring looks on my toe, you know you do! Give it to us!
SAM: How about I pound your head with a rock instead?
FRODO: Know what? Change of plans. I'm not throwing it into the volcano.
SAM: Yes you are.
FRODO: No, I have a new idea: I'm going to take over the world. All shall love me and despair.
SAM: But girls already love you and despair!
GOLLUM: Smeagol will take over world with you, yes yes! Give it to us!
FRODO: No!
GOLLUM: Yes!
FRODO: NO!
GOLLUM: YES! (chomp)
FRODO: Ow!!
GOLLUM falls triumphantly into fiery chasm from whence Ring came, taking FRODO's finger and the Ring with him. SAM hauls FRODO out of the special Place To Throw Stuff Into Lava room. They find temporary refuge from flowing molten rock on a boulder.
FRODO: Hey, I can remember the Shire again! Small comfort, considering we seem to have about five minutes to live.
SAM: It's a shame. Now I'll never get to marry Rosie Cotton.
FRODO: I’ll never get to marry...
FANGIRLS wait with baited breath.
SAM: Who, Mr. Frodo?
FRODO: That really pretty girl in Rivendell. You know, the blonde one?
SAM: I think that was a boy Mr. Frodo.
FRODO: I never could tell.
PAUSE
SAM reaches out and pokes FRODO: Tig!
FRODO: Tig Tag!
SAM: Tog Tig!
NONOBESSED PEOPLE WHO HAVE NOT HEARD THE CAST COMMENTARY: Huh? What is going on?
OBSESSED PEOPLE WHO HAVE HEARD THE CAST COMMENTARY rolling on floor laughing really really hard: Inside joke.
FRODO and SAM pass out, but GIANT EAGLES rescue them.
WISECRACKS IN AUDIENCE: So, how come the eagles didn't just pick them up in Rivendell and carry them straight to Mount Doom in the first place? Why did they have to WALK?
REST OF AUDIENCE: Shhh.

MINAS TIRITH

GANDALF: Hello, Frodo. Thanks for doing all the dirty work. Saved our butts, let me tell you.
FRODO: Gandalf! You're alive! Legolas! You're alive! Gimli! You too! Aragorn! Merry! Pippin! ...Okay, I'm starting to get tired. Are there many more of you?

MINAS TIRITH AGAIN


ARAGORN is getting coronated. Which should be a word, if it isn't. He clears his throat and starts singing in Elvish.
PEOPLE WHO HAVEN'T READ THE BOOK: Jeez, people sing a lot in this movie.
PEOPLE WHO HAVE READ THE BOOK: Hah. That's nothing. You ought to read the book.
LEGOLAS steps out with perfect hair (as always). He and ARAGORN look at one another.
LEGOLAS: Face it. I’m prettier.
ARAGORN: I could chop off your head for that, but I’m in a good mood.
LEGOLAS: Hey, I almost forgot. Elrond and me decided to get you a present!
ARAGORN: Yes! Shampoo at last!

LEGOLAS: No.
ARAGORN: Deodorant? Soap?
LEGOLAS: Wrong again.
ARAGORN: Then what? (sees ARWEN)
ARAGORN: Arwen! Sweetie-pie!
ARWEN: Here’s a pretty banner for you, Smoochie-poo!
ARAGORN kisses ARWEN. WATCHING ELVES and HUMANS smile. HOBBITS wrinkle noses at all the kissy parts.
FARAMIR: The only thing that would make this day better would be meeting an attractive, single noblewoman. Oh, well.
EOWYN: The only thing that would make this day better would be meeting an attractive, single nobleman. Oh, well.
FARAMIR and EOWYN see each other and blush.
PEOPLE WHO READ THE BOOKS: The rest of this better be in the Extended Edition or there are going to be serious consequences!!
PEOPLE WHO DIDN’T READ THE BOOKS: Rest of what?
AUDIENCE IN GENERAL WHO ARE TIRED OF ALL THE PEOPLE TALKING DURING THE MOVIE: SHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

SHIRE

FRODO, SAM, MERRY, and PIPPIN go to bar.
BARD: Hear ye now the story of Frodo of the Nine Fingers!
HOBBITS look around in surprise.
HOBBIT FANGIRLS: O MY GOSH!! There they are!!! (run after FRODO, MERRY and PIPPIN)
SAM takes a deep breath and fights his way to ROSIE.
SAM: Rosie, um, well, I kinda, well, I’d like to, that is, if you want to, wait, let me start over...
ROSIE: Spit it out Sam.
SAM: Ireallylikeyouandcanyoumarryme?
ROSIE and PEOPLE WHO READ THE BOOK: Finally!!

GREY HAVENS


GANDALF: I will not say, 'Do not weep,' for not all tears are an evil.
AUDIENCE: Good, because that's all we've been doing for the last three hours.
FRODO: Goodbye, Pippin. I'm glad you found your courage. Goodbye, Merry. I'm glad you got to wear horse-themed armor. Sam...
FRODO hugs SAM.
FRODO: I think I'll miss you most of all, Scarecrow.
SAM looks confused.
SAM: Huh?
FRODO: Never mind. Just finish my book and have lots of kids. Goodbye, my friends.
FRODO smiles as he sails away, at peace in the knowledge that he never again has to get up at five a.m. to have the makeup people put hobbit feet on him.
AUDIENCE: (sobbing) I can't believe it's over. What do I have left to live for now?
PETER JACKSON: Well, there's the extended version, due out in November. Complete with silly outtakes - I promise! And then someday there's the full-extra-special boxed set of 241 DVD's. And eventually there's that musical they're making...
AUDIENCE: November?? (crumples to the ground, weeping) You rip out my heart and tear it to shreds and mash it into the sticky popcorn on the theater floor, and then try to console me with freaking outtakes in freaking November?? I hate you, I hate you...I hate you...(*sniffle*)...Can we come back and see it again tomorrow?
PETER JACKSON: Of course you can, precious.
"Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society."
Mark Twain.

Surku
Örkki
Viestit: 44
Liittynyt: To Kesä 17, 2004 4:58 am

Viesti Kirjoittaja Surku » Ke Elo 11, 2004 3:15 pm

<b>MINAS TIRITH</b>

GANDALF: Don't say anything, Pippin. Hi, Denethor!
DENETHOR: Hi. My favorite son is dead and my life sucks.
PIPPIN: That's all my fault! I'll fight for you!
GANDALF: Agh. WHAT did I say, Pippin? What did I say?
My favourite! :mrgreen:

En oikein saanut itsellenikään selitetyksi, että miksi, mutta repesin aika hyvin luettuani tuon: "Hi. My favourite son is dead and my life sucks."
Taitaa olla tytöllä vähän kumma huumorintaju. Mutta veikkaan, ettei se täällä Loftiksessa ole mitenkään huono asia. ;)


Pyörin tuskissani oksennusta ja tylsistymisen maksihuipennusta pidätellen aina kun elokuvatrilogiassa päädyttiin mässäilemään Arwenin ja Aragornin rakkaustarinalla, jota kirjaan verrattuna korostettiin aivan helvetisti liikaa (tuota taas minä en voi korostaa liikaa), mutta myöntää täytyy, että niitäkin olisi huomattavasti miellyttävämpää seurata, jos nuo Keski-Maan Hollywood-tyylin lempiväiset tosiaan kutsuisivat toisiaan nimityksillä Sweetie-pie ja Smoochie-poo. :D
// Surku aka Laura

Elävä (varoitus)esimerkki siitä, millaiseksi ihminen voi kasvaa, jos hänen kuusivuotiaana kokemansa ensirakkauden kohde on Legolas.

joplin
Örkki
Viestit: 165
Liittynyt: Ti Maalis 09, 2004 4:00 pm
Viesti:

Viesti Kirjoittaja joplin » Ke Elo 11, 2004 9:15 pm

Hihhii...

"GANDALF: Yes, it appears to be. As I mentioned, Mordor is a serious threat and now most of your soldiers are dead.
DENETHOR: Aaahh! Run, everybody, run! The world is ending! Aliens have landed!"


...Denethorilla on kyllä kieltämättä aika hyviä läppiä tässä...*nauraanauraanauraa*!!
"Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society."
Mark Twain.

Jenla
Örkki
Viestit: 43
Liittynyt: Ke Tammi 07, 2004 6:13 pm
Paikkakunta: Kontu

Viesti Kirjoittaja Jenla » Pe Elo 13, 2004 7:52 pm

Ihan huippu! :D Tosiaankin loistavaa läppää Denethorilla!
Ja taas pelataan Aragornilla ja saippualla...Miksiköhän??? :wink:
~I do not know the way and I solemny swear that I'm up to no good~

My fall will be for you
My love will be in you
If you be the one to cut me
I'll bleed forever

Marnie
... has left the building
Viestit: 866
Liittynyt: Pe Huhti 16, 2004 11:02 pm
Paikkakunta: juhannukseen asti Australia

Viesti Kirjoittaja Marnie » Ma Elo 23, 2004 12:43 am

Olen törmännyt tähän ennenkin, ja se saa kyllä aina nauramaan. :D

Lempparini:
GANDALF: Don't say anything, Pippin. Hi, Denethor!
DENETHOR: Hi. My favorite son is dead and my life sucks.
PIPPIN: That's all my fault! I'll fight for you!
GANDALF: Agh. WHAT did I say, Pippin? What did I say?
Ja tietysti kaikki Aragorniin ja saippuaan liittyvät jutut on klassikoita..

Ja ehdoton suosikkini..:
FARAMIR: The only thing that would make this day better would be meeting an attractive, single noblewoman. Oh, well.
EOWYN: The only thing that would make this day better would be meeting an attractive, single nobleman. Oh, well.
FARAMIR and EOWYN see each other and blush.
PEOPLE WHO READ THE BOOKS: The rest of this better be in the Extended Edition or there are going to be serious consequences!!
PEOPLE WHO DIDN’T READ THE BOOKS: Rest of what?
Me ollaan kavereiden kanssa foorumilla puhuttu juuri tästä nimenomaisesta kohdasta niin monta kertaa, että sen ON parasta löytyä sieltä EE:ltä.. :D

Ja ihan henk.koht. syistä..: :D
FRODO: This is hopeless! We're doomed. We should have given the bloody thing to the Gondor brothers.
*<- points to the avvie..* ^^
Look at it this way, Wayne - we will always have Saskatchewan. Shelly, NX

Draamaficcari '05 ja '06, Kommaaja '07 | Viimavaarojen varjo ~ Ei palaisi pohjoiseen Halbarad.

Avatar
Daealis
Metsähaltia
Viestit: 648
Liittynyt: Ke Helmi 09, 2005 4:02 pm
Paikkakunta: Seinäjoki
Viesti:

Viesti Kirjoittaja Daealis » La Heinä 16, 2005 8:23 pm

*repsahdus*

Mitä sitä turhaan kohtia erottelemaan,loistavat vitsit oli ripoteltu tasaisesti ympäriinsä.
Tears are a waste of good suffering.
T.E.R.O - Taitava ja Ekstaattisen Reipas Orjapiiskuri
Vuoden Jääräpää -07 & -08 \o/

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Piru
Metsähaltia
Viestit: 679
Liittynyt: Ma Tammi 05, 2004 9:58 pm
Paikkakunta: Helsinki

Viesti Kirjoittaja Piru » Su Heinä 17, 2005 12:06 am

Hee. En ollukaan lukenut tätä aikasemmin. Varsin hauskaa. :mrgreen:

FRODO attractively foams at the mouth.

xDDD Very attractively indeed. Kun ekan kerran näin sen kohdan, kun Frodo näyttää vesikauhuiselta zombilta, en tiennyt, nauraako vai itkeä. Joten käkätin raivoissani. ^^
'Cause everybody hurts sometimes.

Valvoja -05
Palautteenantaja -06
Aragorn -07
Sauron -08 ^^

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Kurttuviikuna
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Liittynyt: La Helmi 07, 2004 9:26 am
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Viesti Kirjoittaja Kurttuviikuna » Ma Elo 01, 2005 4:26 pm

*kuolee nauruun* Voi hyvä luoja, että tälle sai tosissaan nauraa. *pitelee vatsalihaksiaan* Hyvä Sam, riippuliitimellä Mordoriin. Näyttävä sisääntulo todellakin. xDD Nämä ihmiset ovat neroja. Aragorn ei ole mikään järjen jättiläinen, huomaan ma. On se hyvä, kun Legolas osaa puhua kuitenkin järkevästi. *hihittää kuollakseen*
Welcome to the Caribbean, love.

Chibi
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Liittynyt: La Maalis 04, 2006 8:19 pm
Paikkakunta: Kentinmannussa,Tasslehoffin seurana xD

Viesti Kirjoittaja Chibi » Ke Maalis 08, 2006 4:52 pm

*Repeilee älyttömän paljon ja meinaa tippua tuolilta*Jumaliste...Tämä oli mahtava!
MINAS TIRITH

GANDALF: Don't say anything, Pippin. Hi, Denethor!
DENETHOR: Hi. My favorite son is dead and my life sucks.
PIPPIN: That's all my fault! I'll fight for you!
GANDALF: Agh. WHAT did I say, Pippin? What did I say?
Lempikohtani,repeilin tuolle kaikkein eniten,mielialaani ei latistanut edes se että äiti huusi minulle keittiöstä:"taasko siellä nauretaan?Alahan tulla vain nauramaan näille tiskeille!"Astianpesukone posahti ja on minun tiskausvuoroni...Mutta,parastaparastaparastaparasta pitkään aikaan!xD
"Ei", Tas vastasi hetken mietittyään."Mutta on paljon asioita, joita en ymmärrä.
Kuolemaa esimerkiksi.Ja lainvalvojia.Molempien tarkoituksena näyttää olevan viedä ilo elämästä. "

Celebriel
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Liittynyt: Ma Loka 11, 2004 12:45 pm
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Viesti Kirjoittaja Celebriel » Ma Tammi 01, 2007 10:28 pm

Aloitinpa sitten kommentoimisen tällaisella kevyemmällä luettavalla.

Se joka tämän kirjoitti on sitten ollut kärsivällinen, sillä tällaisen dialogin kirjoittaminen johtaa yleensä siihen että lopulta vuorosanat käy latteiksi, mitä ei tässä tapahtunut.

Repeilin monia kertoja xD Ja tykkäsin erityisesti noista "People who have readthe book" Kommenteista. :D

Plussaa sillä että eri kohtaukset on eroteltu otsikoiden alle, se keventää lukemista.
Kuva
Vuoden taiteilija est. 2007
Katsokaa myös:
http://dragonsoul2.deviantart.com ^^
Rekisteröidy ja kouluta oma dino! Autat samalla omaa dinoani. http://www.dinoparc.com/?ref=Dragorel

Lille
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Viesti Kirjoittaja Lille » Ma Tammi 01, 2007 11:10 pm

Whoaa, tämä on näin vanha juttu ja silti näin vähän kommentteja. No, parannusta asiaan luvassa :wink:.

Se joka tämän kirjoitti on sitten ollut kärsivällinen, sillä tällaisen dialogin kirjoittaminen johtaa yleensä siihen että lopulta vuorosanat käy latteiksi, mitä ei tässä tapahtunut.
Komppaan^^.

Itseasiassa tämä on niin loistava ja repeilyttävä, että voisin ihan tulostaa... Celen kanssa taas samoilla linjoilla, yleisön kommentit olivat mahtavia - etenkin kirjan lukeneiden XD<3. Fav kohtauksia on ihan liikaa, kautta linjain repeilyttävää tekstiä.

SENTIMENTAL BOOK-READERS: Say "Don't go where I can't follow." Say "Don't go where I can't follow." Say "Don't go where I can't follow."
SAM: Don't go where I can't follow!
SENTIMENTAL BOOK-READERS: Woohoo! All right; I can die happy now.

Aww XD.

FRODO: No, I have a new idea: I'm going to take over the world. All shall love me and despair.
SAM: But girls already love you and despair!

*buhahahhaaa* Ei voi olla näin hauskaa, vai voiko? :lol:

...WISECRACKS IN AUDIENCE: So, how come the eagles didn't just pick them up in Rivendell and carry them straight to Mount Doom in the first place? Why did they have to WALK?
REST OF AUDIENCE: Shhh.

Tämä ja edeltävä kohta olivat jostain syystä uskomattoman hauskoja, ihan oikeasti. Ei meinannut naurusta tulla loppua... X'DDDD

Über repeilyt ansaitsivat myös Frodon "you're alive" höpötykset sekä Jacksonin höpinät. Of course you can, precious.<3 Tosin nauroin aika lahjakkaan tasaisesti koko fikille, mitä nyt jotkut kohdat saivat melkein tippumaan tuolilta.

Denethorilla on kyllä kanssa työvitsit...
Onnistunut lyhennelmä kertakaikkiaan ja ihanaa saada lukea in enklish!

KIITOS joplin, kun laitoit tämän meidän luettavaksemme.
Lopeta totuuden etsiminen ja asetu aloillesi hyvään fantasiaan.

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Silidir
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Liittynyt: Ti Heinä 11, 2006 1:06 pm
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Viesti Kirjoittaja Silidir » Ti Tammi 02, 2007 1:14 am

LEGOLAS: Fine. S-A-U-R-O-N is H-E-R-E. Simple enough for you, numbskull?
Voi maailma tuosta lauseesta... *repeilee* Sanoisin että tämä on erittäin hyvä lyhennelmä tuota osasta, ja suosittelen lämpimästi niille jotka eivät jaksa/viitsi lukea/katsoa tätä...

ELROND: Yeah, well, I guess they don't teach you everything in Ranger school. It's just TRUE, okay? Now go pick up a ghost army and save your grimy unshaven people.

*totaalinen naurukuolema* Unshaven people... Tämä tarkoittanee et haltiat on siis sheivattuja... *kikatus* Selvisipä sekin.
\o/Huumorificcaaja '08\o/ Slasheristi '09 & '10 @~~ <3<3<3 Elrond&Admin 2014 <3<3<3
-Our rooms. One hour. Bring the honey. I really liked that. And *please* hang up
your tunic.

Hitunen
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Viesti Kirjoittaja Hitunen » Ti Tammi 02, 2007 11:38 pm

Voi apua! : P Tämä oli kerrassaan upea ja viihdyttävä ja vielä UPETTAVAINEN tarina!! Siis kun oli enkuksi kirjoitettu, niin hyvää kielioppi harjoitustahan tuo oli. (Pitäisi varmaan lukea useammin tarinoita enkuksi, niin saisin numeroa korotettua ; P) Kaiken lisäksi (Fëanorellia lainaten) koko juttu viihdytti alusta loppuun, vaikka usein lähes kokonaan pelkällä dialogilla kirjoitettu tarina muuttu lopussa latteaksi. Tässä niin ei käynyt, vaan päin vastoin! Lopussa oli juuri parhaita juttuja ^^

Tämän olisi kokonaan voinut lainata, mutta en sorru sellaiseen, (: P) vaan lainaan vain jotain muutamia:

GANDALF: Hello, Frodo. Thanks for doing all the dirty work. Saved our butts, let me tell you. FRODO: Gandalf! You're alive! Legolas! You're alive! Gimli! You too! Aragorn! Merry! Pippin! ...Okay, I'm starting to get tired. Are there many more of you?

SAM: Ireallylikeyouandcanyoumarryme?
ROSIE and PEOPLE WHO READ THE BOOK: Finally!!

SAM: Sure you can. Think of the Shire.
FRODO: It never existed. You're lying.
SAM: Now, what were the rules we set?
FRODO: (humble) No more calling you a liar?

FRODO: Oh, dear. Maybe it wasn't such a good idea to send Sam away.
AUDIENCE: Duh!


Kerrassaan ihania kaikki ^^
You think with every mistake we must be learning. You have a personality that cries inside.

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Aralas
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Re: Kuninkaan Paluu "Lyhennetty versio"

Viesti Kirjoittaja Aralas » Ke Kesä 17, 2009 4:37 pm

LEGOLAS: The sky wears a film of gauze. The night air breathes infamy. Deceit weaves itself around my fingernails.
ARAGORN: What in the world is that? Poetry? I pay you to do two things: shoot stuff, and look pretty. If you have something to tell me, tell me in normal words.
LEGOLAS: Fine. S-A-U-R-O-N is H-E-R-E. Simple enough for you, numbskull?
hahahaa xDD
"After San Sebastian please come with me. I'll take my clothes off." Mr. Tony Kakko

Vuoden Legolas 2010

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Throren
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Re: Kuninkaan Paluu "Lyhennetty versio"

Viesti Kirjoittaja Throren » La Heinä 04, 2009 6:10 pm

joplin kirjoitti: LEGOLAS: Hey, I almost forgot. Elrond and me decided to get you a present!
ARAGORN: Yes! Shampoo at last!

LEGOLAS: No.
ARAGORN: Deodorant? Soap?
LEGOLAS: Wrong again.
ARAGORN: Then what? (sees ARWEN)
ARAGORN: Arwen! Sweetie-pie!

Ara + saippua= True love. ; DD
Tosi hauska, juu. ^^
sain naurukohtauksen, sitten sydärin. : DD
I ♥ U

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